Poems, Short Stories and Other Odds and Ends by Laurie Pielak

Let's get going

2011-11-12T23:59:00.001-07:00

I've always wanted to try any way, to put the words I write to music. I know nothing about music, except that most I like. To me lyrics are most important....so these day's I find it hard to come across a song that say's something to me. Sure I like the Baby baby baby oh's, there catchy tunes, and there a lot of fun. You see I like to dance as well. And although I like the songs that make you think, that touch a nerve, that let you know that you are never alone, there's nothing like a song that makes you feel good...makes you smile, and get's your toes tapping and what ever else moves....or moves you.

Now keep in mind that I don't play an instrument of any kind...but I can hum a tune. This will be a true labor of love.

Wish me luck and we'll see what happens!!!!!!

Where Have I Been

2011-06-18T00:12:00.000-06:00

I haven't written much in the last few months. I've thought about it. Had a lot of thoughts go through my head, but have not felt like writing them down. I have been busy at work. It's work that exhausts the brain, to the point where when I get home, all I want to do...is nothing. So that's pretty much what I have been doing. I did though take my daughter oh a holiday to New Mexico and Las Vegas. I will write more on that later, but, right now I'm tired..and am going to try and get some sleep.

We Never danced

2010-09-25T22:40:00.000-06:00

You came into my life so unexpected, what a pleasant suprise.
We'd talk for hours, the time, it just flew buy.
Into the wee hours of the morning, I found myself looking for you.
I'd see your name, and I'd get butterflies...

Over the years we laughed, we cried, we loved..but, we never danced.

Things wern't exactly as they seemed at first, and we parted ways,
I missed you, and felt so sad during your absense.
It didn't matter who or what you had done, I had feelings for you.
Feelings that I never knew I could have...it was all so new to me.

We laughed, we cried, we loved...but, we never danced.

Our paths would cross again, and it realized that the feelings I had for you were love.
When we met, I knew that I would love you always.
The way you looked at me, the way I felt in your presence..
The way I could be myself, you showed me love like no other.

We laughed, we cried, we loved....but, we never danced.

After all these years, my feelings haven't wavered.
I've love you the best I could, no questions.
I knew you felt the same and in time, you said the words.
And we cried...for life hadn't worked the way we wanted.

Separated by the decisions we made, for right or wrong reasons...
Sacrificing our happiness, out of loyalty and trying to do the right thing.
We have laughed, cried and loved more than most....
My wish is that...when we see each other again, and we will...

That we dance.....

When I Look At You

2010-08-07T15:45:00.000-06:00

When I look at you, I see in your eyes the woman I've become...
When I look at you, I see in your eyes the woman I used to be.
I look into your eyes, and I can see your soul...
I look at you...and I am in awe of the person you are, and how you changed me.

The walls that took so long to build, have come tumbling down...
You were patient and kind as you carefully unlocked the combination to my heart,
I placed my trust in you, and learned how to let go, love, and be loved.
You held the door open to your heart, and I without question, walked right in.

When I look at you, I see in your eyes the woman I've become...
When I look at you, I see in your eyes the woman I used to be.
I look into your eyes, and I can see your soul...
I look at you..and I am in awe of the person you are, and how you changed me.

In front of you, I can laugh, cry, bare my very soul,
With you I feel safe, with no inhibitions, I feel free,
You placed your trust in me, and you learned how to let go...love and be loved.
I held the door open to my heart, and without hesitation, you walked right in.

When I look at you, I see in your eyes the woman I've become...When I look at you, I see in your eyes the woman I used to be.
I look into your eyes, and I can see your soul...
I look at you..and I am in awe of the person you are, and how you changed me.

My Truth

2010-06-18T11:12:00.004-06:00

I've known you now for a long time,
Longer than either of us planned,
The year's have gone by so quickly,
I stand here, bare soul, holding out my hand.

My truth is that I have always loved you.
I can't remember a time when I didn't.
My truth is that being away from you,
Leaves me lost....feeling bare, feeling so indifferent.

I tried to do the right things,
You were right on so many levels.
But the bond, the pull of our feelings,
Kept us from parting, kept us together.

My truth is that I can never love another,
The way that I do love you.
My truth is that I feel so empty,
Being so far away from you.

We've talked about so many things,
We've laughed, cried, shared loss, and so much more.
We've taken new roads and discovered new things..
We had such hopes....but our lives, lived separately..and so

My truth is that....compromise, yes I have done.
I give you my heart, the real me...in your hands..take hold.
My truth is that...you mean more to me than you will ever know
I long to hold you..and keep you safe and warm...keep you from the cold.

Laurie Pielak
June 17, 2010

If you don't like it...

2010-06-18T11:09:00.000-06:00

Been thinking about you lately, quite alot, can't get you out of my mind.
Trying to put the pieces together, figure out, if you love me, or am I just blind.
It all seems to be a little one sided....you reaping all the rewards...
As deep as my feelings are for you..it's time that you were told.

I am a woman, first and foremost, with feelings, you know what I mean...
I've always backed you up babe, had your back, among other things.
You claim truth, is most important, so let's have some, I've told you mine..
And if you don't come clean this time...then I'm afraid I'm done it's my time.

If you don't like it...then it's time to go
You don't think I will, you're so sure.
If you don't like it...then leave me alone..
I'll miss you, there's no denying it.

Untruths, silence, and omission... I can read between the lines,
I wanted so badly to believe you...you knew it by the things I have
Said...and done.
It's time to take the blinders off, and face reality....I'm not afraid of you any more...
It's time....step up or let me be....

If you don't like it...then it's time to go
You don't think I will, you're so sure.
If you don't like it..then leave me alone...
I'll miss you, there's no denying it.

Laurie Pielak
June 18, 2010

Finding Myself

2010-04-03T11:37:00.003-06:00

Trying to find out who I am
It's been a journey of ups and downs.
Hear break and heart ache.
Learning life's lessons as I go...
Tossing away the bad...learning to let it go.

And then much to my pleasant surprise,
I turned and looked into your eyes.
You were looking back at me...
Like a mirror to your soul,
I found myself looking back at me.

I was afraid at first, didn't know what to do.
Tried to hide myself, keep myself from loving you.
But I couldn't stay away,
I was drawn to you.

Because in that moment, and much to my surprise,
I turned and looked deep into you eyes.
Staring back at me, mirror to your soul...
I found myself...

2010-02-18T21:18:00.003-07:00

Our Friend, Our Pal....Our Janet

Our Friend went away, to a place where she can watch over us all.

To a place where she can breath, without trouble, without pain, with ease.

She left us behind, along with many others, but I understand why, or at least I think I do. She grew restless, tired of being still. So off she went.

I can see her, climbing up that hill, with the sunshine on her face and a smile as she waves and say's "I'm okay, really I am, don't worry about me, I'll save you a spot".

Yes our Pal went away, to a place where she can again watch over us all, and look out for us, as she always did.

Our Pal, who always had an ear to listen to all of our woes and worries, a shoulder to lean and cry on and who always managed to find time for anyone who needed her.

Yes our Janet went away, to a place where she can walk and run if she wants to, and dance the way she used to. Where she can laugh as loud and for a long as tghe day is, without trouble.

Janet once gave me a Musical Note and when I asked her why..she said it was because it reminded her of me. If I was a Musical Note to her, to me then...she is a whole Symphony, full of wonderful notes, sounds and melodies. Her love for her family, her Paul, Lisa and Luke, and her Grandchildren was so visible. Even to those that didn't know her, if they happened to over hear her speaking of them, could hear and feel nothing but Pride radiate from her voice and expression when she spoke of them.

When I told my Father of Janet's passing, he said "Awwww, one of your best Pal's", and I said yes....that she was.

Our lives are much richer for knowing Janet. Every time I think of Janet, I smikle and think of all the wonderful things she was, and yes I will and do miss her, and I know all those who's lives she touched will miss her as well.

I wish you could of stayed with us a little longer...but it was time for you to go..you always did prefer to be a little bit early, so I suppose I should not be suprised. I know you likely have the best seats in the house, so I expect you to save one for me, along with everyone else. I know you loved a challenge....so do, save us a seat.

2010-01-26T15:17:00.003-07:00

Yesterday a long time friend died. I haven't figured out what to do with that yet, or how to process it. She needed a heart and they found one for her, and when we heard the news, I was so excited for her. At that point I had planned to go visit her as soon as she was well enough to receive visitors. You see, I had spoken to her in November and she asked me to come and visit her and I promised I would before Christmas. However I didn't make it. Time flew by so quickly, and we did speak on the internet and phone, but, I didn't keep my promise. We used to go by the names of Gloria Moses and Lulu at one time. Those times bring a smile to my face, and sometimes when I think about what we got up to I laugh out loud. Her laugh was contageous. She has a boy, and he was the same age as my daughter, and they became close pals. There initials were carved in a tree out at the back of their house, although he says someone recently cut that tree down. When I left Inuvik to move south, I did make it back to Inuvik, and of course spent time with her. In our younger days, we would of gone to the Trapper and danced the night away, but these vists were different. She was tired, and just wanted to visit. She even apologized for not wanting to go out, but I didn't care to go out either. I just enjoyed spending time with her, talking about everything you could imagine. Life, love, families...our friends, and our new found friends. It was during these visits that she told me about her heart. When I moved away we alway kept in touch, and when I moved back to Yellowknife, she came down to visit me. She had a suite, and I camped over. Again, no need to go out...she took me out for dinner, and we talked and talked. She was excited as she was purchasing the Diamond of her dreams.....she had been married 25 years and she deserved it. We laughed at that, and again talked until the wee hours of the morning.

Again I found myself leaving and off to Scotland I went, and again we always kept in touch. I think the friendships you develop in the North are so different. There is a small group of us who have always kept in touch, and I mean really remained true friends in every sense of the word. We really care about each other...and love one another. It's not just politeness...it's genuine. Through loss of parents, spouses and other loved ones, we've always supported one another. Also shared births, marriages....anniversaries.

I was angry at first, angry at God, for being so selfish in taking her away. However, one of the other girlfriends told me not to be angry, but to think of her and her laugh and how wonderful she was. I suppose yes, that's true, but I am still a tad angry. I suppose once the reality of her being gone sets, and perhaps when I have that good cry....and the loss of my friend, maybe then I won't be so angry. One friend suggested that we all get together, and party the way we used to, in memory. Sounds like a damn fine plan to me. I love you girlfriend...and am very sad that you're gone. I will miss your laughter, your smile and the warmth of your friendship.

Back Home

2009-10-13T20:34:00.002-06:00

I've come full circle, and I am back in Yellowknife. Why..well alot of reasons which I'm not sure I want to say just now. I am happier since I've returned home. The nicest suprize was when I got off the plane in Calgary, cleared customs and walked through the doors to see my daughter waiting for me. She had flown down from Yellowknife the night before to Edmonton, to make the Drive to Calgary with Zora to pick me up. It was wonderful to see her of course, and Zora as well. We collected what little luggage I had, as I could not bring all that I packed leaving most of my clothing behind, due to the riduculous cost. We went for something to eat and I had the best Caesar Salad ever. We then started our drive back to Edmonton. Christen and I stayed at Zora's apartment, while Zora went and stayed with her Mother. I slept so good that night..first time in a long time that I truly slept. The Saturday we spent shopping, and the next day Zora and I drove to Grande Prairie while Christen caught the plane back to Yellowknife.

Zora's car broke down just outside a small town called Sangudo. We were lucky enough to find some help, it being Sunday. The Garage Owner after inspecting however, said we were not to drive the car any more as a Head Gasket had gone. My parents of course, came to rescue us, but it was a few hours before they arrived. In the meantime Zora and I went for a meal, and waundered the streets of this small, but pretty little town. One lady offered to take us in, as she had spotted us earlier walking..at this point we were sat on a bench in the middle of town, waiting for the Red Jeep to show it itself. However, within a half an hour of her offer there came my parents to rescue us. Zora's vehicle was to go on a separate journey on the back of a flat bed, back to Edmonton the next day. Zora stayed until the next day, where my brother took her back to Edmonton in his big Truck. For 10 days I visited with my parents, and enjoyed the unseasonable warm weather. I got the garden ready for fall and winter, and again slept very very well.

I didn't want to leave Scotland. I did want to remain there to be close to my friend, who made me promise not to stay for him. So again, I did as was asked, and came back home. There are a few things that I miss, but it wasn't going to be enough to make stay. The not being able to find work was difficult as I have always been used to paying my own way, and not depending on other's for my keep. The stress of having to pay all the bills etc. was becoming very apparant, and I thought it best to return home.

So here I am, with a job interview tomorrow and other job prospects in the works. My daughter and I are sharing a room, which is working out okay. We don't get on each other's nerves..not yet anyway.

I have been in touch with my husband, and my friend and both are doing okay. Have I made the right decision to return home only time will tell. As I said I miss some things, and fear that in certain instances there may not be alot of tomorrows to look to. I hope not....

Lost

2009-05-25T18:30:00.005-06:00

I was going to write a poem, but thought no, just write thoughts today.

I've been in a strange place the last little while. I feel kind of lost. I don't know if I can find my way. I find myself sitting and crying these days, and I shouldn't. I feel so alone, but I'm not. Just seconds ago I had to stop typing as the screen was blurred for tears. I don't like feeling this way, I don't want to feel this way, but I do. I find I have a hard time falling asleep. I toss and turn, and then when I do, I'm awake a few hours later. I'm so tired all of the time, and it's all I can do some days to go outside. My friends think I am strong but I'm not. They all depend on me, but I'm tired. When ever I speak to my family I tell them all is good, but they can't see my face so it's easy to lie. I try to sound up beat, positive and not let on that anything is wrong because that's what people want to hear. Even if I did try to explain how I feel, I don't think they would understand.

Sometimes I wonder why am I even here. What is my purpose? What have I accomplished? Why do I feel so empty inside? Why do I hurt so?

I don't know. It's like I can't stand being in my own skin anymore. I claw at myself, wanting out of it. I try to keep busy. I look out the window, and I am thankful and stare, and for no reason the tears come again...and my heart aches.

I have alot to be thankful for. I have a good family, parents who are still with me. A daughter whom I love and who loves me. We have the best relationship a mother and daughter could have. I have good friends, even though they are not here. I have a good husband, who loves me. Why I'm not sure, but he does. So if I have those things, why do I feel the way I do?

I am so lost and I don't know why......

Not Yet Not Now

2009-03-28T04:06:00.004-06:00

I haven't heard from you for a few days now,

But it seems like forever to me,

I look and I wait and I wonder how,

You are, and hope you're alright, because you see.

I know private you can be, especially at times like these.

You are not alone, you know that...no need to try and protect me.

Say the word and I'll be there, by train, plane or car.

Just don't leave this world, not yet not now...until I've said good bye.

I sit and think about you, and often wonder

About this journey, lifes road we've both been on.

How close we are, and how it is that

Our lives have changed, since that first hello.

You took a chance, and here I am now having to think

About living in this crazy world without you.

I never thought that you'd leave this way, with

No way out, no hope, no say.

I want to be there when you go, but I know that's

Not how you want it.

I just need to say a few things, things I've said before,

So please, don't leave this world, not yet, not now,

Until I've said good bye.

Earth Day

2009-03-28T04:00:00.000-06:00

http://earthhour.wwf.org.uk/ Do your bit, one hour is all it takes.

Loss

2009-02-27T04:15:00.002-07:00

I once read that the key to living long is knowing how to deal with loss. Along with that were having strong belief in something. This was in relation to a story of Centurians they called them. These people were into there 100th year, and still going strong. Some still held part time jobs, other's just were full of life and laughter, and oddly enough most were women.

Having said that, I do believe that women deal with loss far better then men do. I don't know if it's because of the way we are built, or brain is wired, or that we are better able to move on. I know alot of women who have lost loved ones - spouses especially, who never re-marry, but carry on and continue to do the things they always have, but, thinking about it, those women started out being strong, independent women, able to think for themselves. Men on the other hand, tend to re-marry, seeking what they had originally. Some find it, other's don't. If they don't remarry, in some cases, die of lonliness, broken hearts, loss.

A very close friend of mine, who has since died, once told me that, he wished he had cried more. This was after the loss of one of his daughters. He said that perhaps if he had cried more, his heart wouldn't of become as weak as it did, and eventually giving up on him. I believe he was right. We all thought that his wife would be the one to go first as she was always ill, or we thought any way. He always cared for her, and everyone else. In the end, he grew tired I think. Now she is better than she has been in years. Likely because he's not there to do all those things for her. I'm not sure what that says either.

Just yesterday, a very good friend of mine, lost her husband. They like most couples had their ups and downs, have children, and had recently become grand parents. Both very nice people, whose company I enjoyed very much over the years. I was maid of honor at their wedding, and said yes, because I had a feeling they would be together for ever. He was on the waiting list for a liver transplant, top of the list, however, one never came quick enough. Now I think about how she is coping, with her daughters. If what they say is true, she will be fine. She is a strong woman, and through the years fought very hard to keep her family together. Ups and downs, and I have to say, she did save him from himself in the beginning. Now that he is gone, I hope that she will be able to deal with loss, the way that I read we as women are able to. I can't be there when they celebrate his life, but I will be thinking of them.

Blasts from the Past

2009-01-31T16:55:00.004-07:00

I was looking at some old photo's today, and never realized just how darn happy I had been way back then. My daughter too for that matter. All the pictures that I looked at, we were both smiling, happy to be alive or so it looked like. Walking in Stanley Park, looking at the beautiful scenery. Stoping to watch a family of racoons. A mother and her ducklings..the little one's trying to keep up. The smell of the ocean, as we walked a long the beach. Then there were pictures of our holidays together, and the joy in our faces. Touching Dolphins, gong on rides that scared us so badly the first time, we had to go again and again.

I want joy back, thing is I'm not exactly sure when I lost it. I can't quite put my finger on it. I have racked my brain all day, and I just don't know when it happened. Joy! What a wonderful word that is. To feel joy, to be joyful! To have the look of joy!

Sometimes I wonder if I was just easily pleased back then? Do I just expect to much now? Have I become pesimestic, and do I not have faith in anything any more, not even myself. So much so that I've let joy slip away?

I don't laugh as much anymore, and I used to laugh alot. How do I get it back?

What in all those pictures, where we are smiling, laughing and look so happy, is the common denominator in all of them?

Does getting older mean you lose joy? I hope not, because I want it back. So my search is on to find it, and I will not quit until I do.

Our Own Worst Enemies

2009-01-22T14:06:00.002-07:00

I used to say that I'd rather work with a group of men than a group of women. Actually I still would, however, I feel that if I had to work with a group of women now, I'm much more prepared, and that much more wise to be able to deal with what working with women can be like.

We are our own worst enemies. Right from a very early age, or perhaps it's just in our makeup, we for what ever reason, cannot get along in an uneven number. If the number is un even there is always someone left out, and it's usually the one who's just a tad shy, the one who's afraid to speak up, or insist on being included. Pairs of girls work fine, but three just doesn't work. In a group, it can be okay, it's workable, until someone upsets the cart, then we scramble without asking questions, to be with the more popular bunch. If not, we find ourselves left behind. That may be why, growing up I was a bit of a loner.

I always had one good female friend, and a whole bunch of male friends. Mainly because I didn't trust other girls. Terrible isn't it. I didn't trust my own gender. Looking back, it was a very smart thing to do. I never competed with the other girls, mainly because I really didn't care what they thought.

Girls will turn on each other for no good reason. Growing up, I used to like boys sure. I found out at an early age if you tell another girl you like someone, soon, everybody knew. I found out that you can tall a boy something, and more times than not, he never told a soul.

Becoming a mother, I realized that when dealing with my daughters girlfriends, that their mother's were very difficult to deal with. Rather than discuss alternatives or find solutions, it was easier for them to pass judgement, and hurt feelings. To me that just didn't make sense, and as a result, my daughter ended up like me. Not alot of girl friends, but the one's she did have she has still today.

We talk about Sisterhood and making things better, however, it just doesn't happen. When a woman finds out her husband is cheating on her, it's the other woman that bears the brunt of it, hardly ever the husband. Even though he was there too. We'd rather scorn another woman and lable her, than find out exactly what went on. Perhaps he lied?

I also cannot stand women who label men. Did you ever think that if you treated a man like the man that he is, instead of the child, that he may just be the man you wanted? Why do women think that they are the only one's that can raise children? I know a fare few woman that should never of had children, never mind raising them.

It's time to give up control ladies, and take time to really sit back, and give the other women a break. Stop being so judgemental. Be kinder and gentler to each other.

I only have a handful of female friends, and they are true friends. I've known them for years. They have supported me, and I them. We are not perfect, and we sit and discuss those imperfections, and laugh at ourselves alot. However, we also like ourselves too. We don't try to out do each other, but are there for each other no matter what.

We all have our own lives, and do different things. Some have done better than others, but we don't begrudge each other our successes, nor do we dwell on our mistakes. They are my true sisters...I only wish that more women would find it in themselves to treat other women the same way. Then there truly would be "Sisterhood".

Cocoon

2009-01-22T08:10:00.003-07:00

This is something I wrote a long time ago. I lost it, and found it again.

Locked away, afraid to show myself, Afraid to feel emotions...of any kind.
Years of building up walls, protection against rejection.
I was safely tucked away in my cocoon.

Going through life, going through the motions.
Pretending to be happy...convincing myself I was.
Surrounding myself with people, no faces...no connection.
I was safely tucked away in my cocoon.

Then, slowly and carefully, you found your way,
Found your way into my life, and I felt things,
Feelings that I had never felt before...nor did I want to.
I was safely tucked away in my cocoon.

I looked in the mirror, and she had gone.
In her place, a woman, passionate, caring and feeling woman.
Feeling real love for the first time, and wanting more.
I was no longer safe, tucked away in my cocoon.

I love you with all my heart, and would not change that.
Even though we cannot be together, I am happy that I have loved.
I am happy knowing what it's like to have love returned.
My cocoon,now gone.....I am free, and I can now love.

My Dad

2009-01-15T02:33:00.004-07:00

My Dad. What can I say about him, except he's almost perfect. My Dad through the years has, not mellowed, but if anything else has become so full of life it's almost mind boggling. He turned 72 on the 4th of January, and is still going strong. After a triple bypass which scared us all, he still is out there living life to the fullest. He and my mother have been married over 50 years now, and although like most marriages have there ups and downs, they stuck together and at this point, I can see that they are the best of friends. Dad loves all his children, and me being the only girl, I have to admit I am Dad's girl. He used to play softball, curl, bowl, hunt, fish, loved to boat and skidoo and spend time out on the land. He was in the Military for 20 years, retired and then went to work for the Government. Retired from there, and went to work fixing copier machines..retired from that, and now drives vehicles back and forth between Grande Prairie to Edmonton, Red Deer, Calgary, Ft. St. John and where ever else they send him, and my mother. He's funny, and makes me laugh all the time. His teasing used to drive me crazy when I was younger, but I've finally become immune. To bad his grand daugher hasn't caught on but I'm sure she will in time.

My Dad taught me how to skate, ride a bicycle, tried to teach me how to play catch, took me duck hunting, took me looking for a Christmas Tree...yes I fell through the ice but it was memorable. He took me to my first NHL hockey game, it was Boston and Vancouver. Took me to the Ice Capades. He was a bit up set when I didn't name my daughter Frankie..I was going to, and actually it would of suited her. He gave me away at my first wedding, and again at my second, on the promise that I'd stay away this time. Ha...

Since he's not had a drink in years, he's become the most incredible tease on the planet. He drives my mother crazy, but he say's that's only to keep her youthful. He once found a mouse in one of the traps in the pantry, and ran it upstairs yelling "Malee, Malee" (Marie)..look, I've hunted and foreged...for you! I heard her scream, and the words that came out of her mouth, were that of a Truckers...I heard him laugh, and of course I followed suit. It was hilarious.

But that in a nutshell is the kind of man he is. I miss him, and look forward to calling, because I know he will make me laugh. I love you Dad!!!

Another Birthday

2009-01-15T02:30:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I turn 53..oh yes. I never thought I'd make it to 53, or at least that's what I thought when I turned 21. What have I learned..well, being kind is good. Loving your family is good. Not letting the small stuff get in the way is an excellent lesson learned. Learnng how to trust totally so you can love totally is wonderful. Getting back is great, but if you don't that's okay to. Moving forward instead of dwelling and living in the past is so important. There's nothing wrong with grieving, as long as it doesn't take over. Knowing when to let go, is key. Not letting emotions like jealousy cloud your judgement is huge.
Not being afraid of life, taking a chance, and being true to yourself was my light bulb moment. Letting your children make their own mistakes was hard, but I did it, as my parents did for me. Not letting anyone take advantage of your kindness is also important. Letting other people take responsiblity...and not getting upset over dust, and housework...it will get done.
Realizing that there is always someone else who has it far worse than you do, and realizing that pehaps you were the reason that your in the situation your in in the first place. Take responsiblity for your actions, or lack there of.
Treasure your friendships. Know the good ones from the ones who are toxic. Always say please and thank you. Always say good morning. Try to think of one good thing a day, and be thankful for what you have instead of thinking about what you don't have.
Listen for joyful sounds....don't let them pass you by. The sounds of a child laughing, the sound of any laughter. The sound of music being played on the street. Notice the colours around you. Sing to yourself, and don't care who's listening. Realize that there's something or someone out there bigger than you...and have Faith.
Realize that if you have children, that time is what they want with you. Not things to keep their time, but your time. Talk to an elder, they have much to say, and they can teach you alot.
Don't be afraid to tell your friends, family..children that you love them. And, no regrets.

Silly Season

2008-12-16T08:52:00.004-07:00

Here we are, heading into the Silly Season. I have a friend who calls it that, and I asked him why. It's the time of year where people do get a little silly. They spend to much, eat to much, think to much. It's a time when familes usually get together to celebrate. What do they celebrate? Well, it used to be the birth of Christ. That's how it came to be. Now if you celebrate that you are or you may be offending people of other religions. When did all this happen? Used to be you could say Merry Christmas, and it wasn't a problem. No one worked on Christmas Day..that was the norm. Now more and more stores are trying to be open during the Holidays, because heavan forbid they may loose a dollar, or pound or what ever your currency is. What ever happened to having fun with family, baking, spending time together. Are we that so wrapped up in out doing the other, that we've forgotten what the Christmas Season is all about. Have you told your children it's not about the gifts? Have you told your children the story? I was told the story, and even though now as an Adult, I am not a practicing church goer, it didn't do me any harm. I also believed in Santa Clause, and never did expect alot. Nor did my daughter, or my neices and nephews and neices come to think about it. Yet, we all spent Christmas together. That seemed to us to be more important. Spending time with Family, close friends and loved ones. Now when you walk down the street, you barely can get smile out of any one. So...welcome to the Silly Season. I hope you have friends and family you can spend it with, and most of all, I hope that you are able to be around Children if at all possible. And those of you that haven't told their children about the other version of Christmas..go on, tell them to story. It only takes about 10 minutes.....Merry Christmas!!!!

Tee Time Tee Shirts

2008-12-12T17:12:00.003-07:00

http://teetime.spreadshirt.net

This is a place where I try to design T-Shirts and what not. It takes my mind off of other things and lets me be creative sometimes. So have a look, and tell me what you think.

Friends

2008-11-28T08:06:00.004-07:00

One of my closest friends is here visiting me this week, and how wonderful it is to have her here. When were younger, we tend to go through friends the way one goes through tissue I think. We don't realize just how important it is to have really good gal pals. Truth is, I think, that as women we tend to be our own worst enemies. We moan, complain, and do not think twice about blaming another woman, before you'd blame the man in your life for the moment. I was lucky and learned at a very young age that never to put your friends on the back burner, or forget about them when you enter in a relationship. Always keep them close, because at the end of the day, relationships will come and go, but a good friend will stick by you.

This friend has known me the longest of all my friends. Since Grade 10, she was in Grade 11. We didn't socialize in school, but later on, when we were in our late teens early 20's. We went our separate ways for a while, but always kept in touch one way or another. Then later on in our 30's and until now, became the best of friends.

We were never the type of friends to get jealous over other friends we had. We didn't always hang in the same social circle. But we knew alot of the same people. She was there when my daughter was born, when I got married the first time, and was my Best Woman when I married this last time. We used to try and spend every July 1st together, and if not then I always tried to be there for her Birthday. I was there for her 50th, and she was there for mine. She is the closest person to a second mother my daughter has and I'm happy it's her.

She travelled with me over to Scotland when I first arrived to make sure I got settled in okay, and over the past year I missed our chats and visits very much. We've never really had an argument in all these years, but I have dissapointed her, and for that I am extremely sorry, but, having said that she never judged me nor I her.

I have only a few friends like this, and I am very lucky to have them. I don't take them for granted, nor will I ever.

A friend of ours lost her mother this week. This friend is another one who I cherish very much. We've had our ups and downs. However, when we got together last it was as if nothing at all had changed except we both got a little older. I feel so bad for her, as I knew her mother and she was a wonderful lady. I actually knew her mother before I knew her, as she was school secretary at the high school I went to.

Friends like these are hard to come by and I'm lucky, and I know it. I love them very much, and am thankful and lucky to be able to call them my friends...my gal pals.

My Mother

2008-11-21T06:33:00.004-07:00

My Mother turned 73 this week. I sat and thought when the heck did that happen. If she's turned 73, that means I'm well never mind.

My Mother met my Father on a blind date. Her story is that she's been blind ever since. They met in Ottawa, married, and my Dad took her to Aklavik, Northwest Territories for a 3 year Honeymoon. While in Aklavik, I was born and so was one of my four brothers. She worked at Peffer's General Store, while my Father did what ever he did with the Navy. After Aklavik, they were transferred to Moncton, New Brunswick.

My Mother always worked. I don't ever recall her not working. She had 7 children total. One before she met my dad, who we have met. One died a crib death. The rest of us, 4 boys and myself, criss crossed Canada over the years never staying to long in one place until we moved to Inuvik in the early 70's.

My Mother played softball, badminton, curled, coached softball, was a Girlguide Leader, President of the Ladies Auxiliary of the Royal Canadian Legion. She was part of the Mixed Curling Team that participated in the Worlds Mixed Curling Championship. She won many tropheys for Curling, Bowling and Softball. She was very very active. She worked for the Government of the NWT for 30 years before retiring. She loved to boat, skidoo, holiday in Hawaii, and Gamble in Vegas.

My mother never judged us. She always let us make our own mistakes, but at the same time, was there for us when we needed her to be. She taught us respect, manners. Even though she was a Military Wife, she never got caught up in the gossip that some do. The friends she made during that time, are still friends with her today.

My mother was an only child, and lost her Father Peter Wing in the 60's. He was a wonderful man. A hard worker, very caring which carried through to my Mother.

We used to take our holidays together. I moved back in with them in my early 40's, and we did have our arguments. My poor Father, would sit and say nothing.

There was a day when there was a turning point. I can't even remember why we were arguing, but we were, and I had had enough. So I said to my Mother.."Why do you say the things you do to me, and call me those things?" She looked at me and quite matter of factly said "Because I can, and you let me get away with it." I looked at her and told her that from that point on, she was not going to get away with it any more, that she could not speak to me that way, after all I was a 42 year old woman. From that time on, we have never had an argument, or a cross word.

My Mother is also a Breast Cancer survivor. One of the scarier times in both our lives. Although we didn't speak to much during this time, there was an afternoon where we were sitting. She was waiting to hear when her surgery was going to be. I looked at her, and she looked at me, and the tears just flowed, as she told me she was so scared. I gaver her a huge hug, and told her she had every right to be. She said she was afraid for my Father mostly, afraid how he would cope. Now, 8 years later, she has gone through her 5 years Cancer free.

This is the first time I have ever been this far away from her, and I miss her terribly. She and my Father plan to come visit in 2009, and I can hardly wait to show her my garden, and just sit and talk the way we used to. Oh...yes, she still works, driving vehicles all over Alberta...they do it for fun, and to keep busy.

Love and Apologizing

2008-11-16T02:44:00.004-07:00

I hate it when you sit and want to write, a million thoughts going around in your mind, but you can't get them down on paper, or in this case on a computer screen. I'm sitting here with the movie "Love Story" stuck in my head, and the words "Love means never having to say you're sorry", and I'm thinking, now that's just not true. How can it be?

You cannot be in a loving relationship, unless you know how to say your sorry. I realize that there are different kinds of love. There's the unconditional love you have for your children, your parents, brothers and sisters. There's the falling in love love, the love you have for your friends, and the love you have for yourself. Now, I say I'm sorry to myself all the time. I have said I'm sorry to my family, friends and the love love ones. So how can love mean never havng to say it?

I think you have to be very full of yourself to think that you can go through life never having to apoligize. That would mean, that you go through life never admitting to having made a mistake, never doing anything that was at all wrong.

I think love means the exact oppositve, the love means being prepared to say your sorry and admitting that you are not perfect, and accepting people especially those you do love with all there little quirks, and not so perfect ways.

I find I have to apologize for the very way that I love. That makes more sense to me. I also think that I have to apologize for not saying I'm sorry when I should have. For not being totally honest with myself, and as a result, not living my life as I should. For thinking that when it comes to intimate relationships, that I held a monopoly on truth, always demanding it of others, but not being quite so truthful with myself. For that I am extremely sorry.

I apologize for not holding the one's I love, be they friends, family, for fear that if I did I might feel hurt, especially when I could see that, that was all they needed at the time. For that I am sorry.

I have learned over the past year or so, that it's okay to hold someone you love, cry with them, and feel their sadness and pain. It's okay to show your vunerabilities. It doesn't mean you are weak, quite the opposite.

I think we should apologize more often. I think that Love Means being prepared to say you're sorry, and meaning it when said.

The Seasons - Winter

2008-11-07T05:40:00.003-07:00

In case you were wondering what that picture is on the previous blog, that is a picture taken in Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, Canada, just outside the Legislative Buildings two winters ago. I thought I would prefer the Winters in Scotland...no snow!!! No walking to work in minus 30-40 degree weather. The kind where your legs burned as the wind is so sharp, and you formed frost on your eyelashes. Oh yes, we did not dress for style, we dressed for warmth. The ice fog was thick, and the sound of vehicles with square tires as they hit the ice on the road, as they drove by. I traded that for grey skys and rain. I never thought the rain would bother me, but it does. It's quite depressing, doom and gloom. I do love the green hills, and roaming country side. The view I have from my living room is the River Clyde or the picture at the top of my blog. We do get a lot of Rainbows, and I do love my garden. Now if it would just rain long enough for me to go out and enjoy it. The picture I've attached to this was taken in Yellowknife again, on the walking path around Frame Lake. Truly beautiful. I notice these things lately. My daughter said that if I didn't have the view from my living room, I'd likely forget why I moved here. It certainly wasn't for the rain...I find I miss the snow!!!!

What to do?

2008-10-27T17:14:00.002-06:00

I have a friend who is dying of Cancer. I have known friends, who have lost loved ones to Cancer. While I was working in Grande Prairie, Alberta, my co-worker lost her youngest son to Cancer. I met him, his name was Mike. He had only been married 2 years, was a wonderful young man. His mother Francis was her name, was a wonderful woman. There whole family was great. Another friend of our's had a part for Mike. We knew it would be the last time we'd see him. The people that attended, the joy in the house even though we all knew why we were there, was so unbelievably awsome. The love that was in that house was incredible.

I have never lost anyone close to be before. Now I have to be careful, not to say to much, as my friend doesn't want pity, sympathy or charity. I've been trying to think of ways I can do more, but I can't. I can be supportive, which I have been. I try to keep my fear's to myself, and try to remain calm, and strong. It's very difficult, as those of you will know if you've lost a love one. I try to stay positive when speaking to him, and also try not to ask about the Cancer, although it's difficult not to. If anyone has any words of wisdom, feel free to tell me what to do because I am at a loss.

Manners

2008-10-21T06:38:00.003-06:00

I remember when my daughter was younger and we were out at a Restauraunt. The waitress brought us our meal, and my daughter without hesitation said "Thank you". The waitress looked suprise, and said that it was nice to see a youngster with "Manners". My response to that was that, that was the way she was brought up. As a matter of fact I went on to tell her, that was the way we were brought up. It was then that I thought I was going to take note.

I noticed when I went shopping, that when checking out if you said please and thank you, that the clerks responded differently, then to the customer before me, who couldn't be bothered with being just polite. Another thing I noticed, was that in our house, when we wanted something out of the fridge, we asked first before we just took. I never understood people who just helped themselves, unless that was the rule.

I started to ask other people about manners. They to commented on how rare it was to see anyone who said please and thank you, and your welcome, and with a smile. Customer service in supermarkets, restaurants had pretty much gone the way of the Dodo Bird. Waitresses in Bars and Restaurants seemd to assume you were going to tip them, no matter what kind of service you were getting, or how the food was for that matter.

My daughter, as myself, was raised to say please, thank you and your welcome. Why are those three things so rare to come buy these days. Even now, I'm having to remind my step daughter to say please and thank you. She's not used to having to say it.

Such a simple thing, and yet, so difficult for alot of people. To this day, we still say it. When I left my last job, before moving here, I was told by a co-worker that she was going to miss me because I was the only one who said "Good Morning". I said really, I had no idea. She said she noticed that I made a point of making my morning rounds on the way to the coffee pot, and said "Good Morning" to everyone, and that she would miss most of all.

So, please, thank you, your welcome and good morning. 4 simple things to say, that can make such a difference in a persons day.

There was one Christmas, when my mother and I went shopping. I told her I didn't want to buy anything, I just wanted to see how many miserable people I could make smile. She said what do you mean. I told her, that I was going to say hello to everyone I saw, smile and say Merry Christmas. I did exactly that, and the response was amazing. The people that looked at me like I was crazy, but, smiled back and said Merry Christmas back was unbelievable. It made me feel good, and I think it made them feel good, even though, they were first not sure if they should respond at all.

So, back to my original point..where have all the manners gone. One thing for sure is, I will never stop saying those simple words, and to this day, my daughter still is a well mannered young lady. That's not to say she's a push over, she is not that. She has attitide when necessary we all need that. However, it costs nothing, and what you get back is 10 fold. So if you read this, thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy day.

Where Has The Time Gone

2008-10-16T13:34:00.003-06:00

The first time I laid eyes on you,

I knew you were something special,

Those dark eyes, staring back at me,

Filled with wonder, and amazement.

I stared back, and wondered who were you,

And how did I get so lucky,

To be the one to take you home,

To have you for my very own.

Where did the time go, for now

When I look at you I see,

A beautiful, wonderful young woman,

Staring right back at me...Where has the time gone.

From the early years the present,

You've brought me nothing but joy,

Sure there have been growing pains,

But that's part of growing up..oh the Pride I show...

Where did the time go, for now

When I look at you I see,

A beautiful, wonderful young woman,

Staring right back at me..Where has the time gone.

For the first time in our lives,

We are so very far apart,

You said it was time I left you to be yourself,

Time, I took time to find myself again...

But, don't ever forget that I love you,

You're the best thing that ever came into my life,

I'm so very pround of you darlin,

Proud to be called Mom...it all went so fast

Where did the time go darlin,

When I look at you I see,

A beautiful, wonderful young woman,

Staring right back at me..smiling couragously...

Wonderful

2008-10-10T18:30:00.002-06:00

When we first met, I didn’t have a clue,

Of the impact you’d have on my life.

The conversations, the words, just flowed because of you,

I was able to see things about myself, that I never even knew.

It’s been an emotional ride, filled with it’s ups and it’s downs.

But the Highs out weigh the lows…..

If I were asked, would you do it all over again….

You bet I would, because you’ve brought me..

(Chorus)

A few day’s of wonderful, and I’d never give it up for anything

A few day’s of wonderful, beats absolutely noting at all…

A few day’s of wonderful, and I’d never give it up for anything

With you a few day’s of wonderful, beats absolutely nothing at all

Through the years, we’ve come to know each other in many ways,

You’ve worked you’re way into my heart my soul,

And the thoughts of living in this big old world without you,

Brings tears to my eyes, feelings of emptiness, I don’t want to let go.

My love for you is like no other,

You’ve been my friend, my love and so much more.

But, I’ll be okay, when it’s your time to leave me…

The strength you’ve shown me, I’ll take and I’ll hold…

Because you've brought me....

(Chorus)

A few days of wonderful, and I'd never give it up for anything

A few days of wonderful, beats absolutely nothing at all

A few days of wonderful, and I'd never give it up for anything

With you a few day's of wonderful, beats absolutely noting at all

Laurie Pielak Jan. 13/2008

Daughters

2008-10-09T05:45:00.001-06:00

My daughter turns 26 this month। I don't know where the last 26 years have gone, but they have passed by to quick। My daughter changed my life. Saved it perhaps. Before she was born, I was a party girl. Only because I was terribly shy, and drinking helped me to be not so shy. It didn't matter to me that I couldn't remember this and that. She wasn't in a hurry to come into this world. She needed a little coaxing. My Doctor and I flew from where we lived to Edmonton where the Medical Facilities were better, as he feared she might be under stress. She was born at 3:13 pm on a Tuesday, and I flew back home Wednesday afternoon. It was a 4 hour flight, and by the time we arrived, my arse was so bloody sore, from the stitches I had received, and from just sitting for that long. She slept the whole way, not a peep. She loved to sleep. I used to talk to her all the time. As a result, she started talking back when she was about 3 months old. She'd coo at me, and smile alot. It was at that time I decided that it was going to be her and me, and that's the way it was going to be. I did have a wonderful support system though. My parents, 3 brothers, very close gal pals, and I could not have worked at a better place. As she got older, she started spending nights away at her Godmother's or her Grandparents. She loved going up to the lake with Grandma and Grandpa. Some of the best photo's taken are her on the boat, fishing line thrown over the side, basball cap shading her eyes, pretending to have a snooze. I could go on and on, of course like most mother's would. Now we are apart for the first time. I've moved here, and I miss her terribly. She came to visit and it was such a joy having her with me. She's grown into a beautiful, independent, strong, yet soft hearted woman. I've let her make her own mistakes and she's learned by them. I've never been afraid to see her go, because I always knew she'd come back. Of course there were times when I was scared for her, but I always let her know that if she ever needed anything, or just wanted to hang out with me, I was there for her. That's what I miss the most. Those Saturday afternoons when we'd go shopping, go get our hair cut, go for coffee with friends॥and just hang out together. I love you very much Baby Girl (that's what I used to call her). She still calls me "Mommy". So my girl, Happy Birthday!!!! I love you very much...

Life's Lessons

2008-10-05T01:52:00.003-06:00

When I was 4, my Mom and Dad brought home to me a Little Sister. I had already two brothers, so a little sister was most welcome. She wasn't with us long though. I can't really remember the day, but the incident. I came home and saw my mother sitting on the stairway with a friend crying. The friend tried to stop me from coming into the house, but my immediate response was to lie and say I had to go to the bathroom. I didn't even think about it, the words just came out of my innocent mouth. I ran up the stairs, and immediately went into my parents bedroom was to check on my sister. I looked into the crib, and it was empty. There was a small patch of red on a blanket, and her St. Christopher Medal still pinned to the centre top of the crib, but she was no where to be seen.

I wasn't told much about where she had gone, or why she had gone. Only that God taken her and she was okay. My question was "Who was God?", and who told him he could take my sister. She was my sister not his. I remember thinking that I didn't like this God person very much.

I remember a day where the living room was full of adults, all being very quiet. I remember looking at what I now know to be a Priest and thinking I didn't like him very much. I wasn't allowed so speak. I know my Mom and Dad were sad, and that my other 2 brothers were away at friends. I didn't want to go anywhere but wanted to stay, just in case God decided to return my sister, as I had planned to have a word with this person.

My sister never did come back, and we never spoke of her again, not for many many years. As a matter of fact...I went on to have 2 more brothers, who never knew they had another sister until they were in their 20's. I never did understand the reason for that until I asked when I was in my late 20's. It just plain hurt to much for my parents to talk about.

After my brothers learned they had, had another sister, my older brother named one if his daughters after her. Estelle Marie is her name. Beauty of a name, and only right that one of my nieces be named after my little sister who died at the tender age of 2 months old, from what we know not to be Crib Death.

Irregardless, God if you believe in God, still took her, and we have yet to have words but we will, one day. I learned at a very young age that Adults don't always tell you the truth. I don't think my parents even thought about my feelings, or how much I loved my little sister. Even though she had only been with us for a short time, she was my responsibility, my little sister. Perhaps if I had done a better job, then God wouldn't of taken her back, and Adults wouldn't have had to lie.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

2008-10-04T07:40:00.000-06:00

Hi again. It's pouring rain here in Bonny Scotland. I can't stand the rain. I like Scotland, but the rain, no no no. Makes me listless, tired. I don't know how people here can stand it. No wonder the crime rate is so nigh. Everytime I look at the paper, there's a stabbing, or shooting. There's alot ofo stabbings here..well not here, but in Scotland. I read today of a man who stabbed his two young children to punish his wife for leaving him. Now, what did those innocent children ever do to him. He got 17 years in jail. Not enough time if you ask me. And now, his wife, has to go on. That is Punishment.

Now, back to where I was, yes, Money...your donations are still welcome. Please don't be shy.

The Have and the Have Not's

2008-10-03T16:32:00.000-06:00

This is new, never done this before. I will tell you this though. I've been pre-occupied lately with Money...or the lack there off. I often wonder how certain people with lots of money, who's only thing they have to do is be rich, cannot even do that well. Why is it people say that money cannot buy you happiness? I kind of agree, however, I would like to give it a go to see if it's true. I don't have alot of money..well none at the moment, and it's not making me very happy, so if someone would like to make a donation, to see if it makes me a little happier, I'd be more than willing to test it out.

I could write poetry for people. Let's say you wanted you're own personal poem. I could do that, let's say for a donation of some kind. I could, sing you a tune. I'm not saying I'm very good, but I would if you wanted me to, for a donation. There are some things I wouldn't do for money, don't get me wrong. If 29,000 people were to send me 1.00 or a pound being that I'm in the UK, that would do me just fine. I'd be completely out of debt, for the first time in my life, and I think, that I would be very very happy. So, if anyone has a spare 29,000 kicking around, feel free to send it my way.